


The Gods' Envy

by lola (chaeyoongs)



Series: And I Shall Love You, Imperfectly And Stupidly [2]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cancer, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Wedding Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27195214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaeyoongs/pseuds/lola
Summary: "Aphelios wanted to reach out and touch his cheeks, squeeze and kiss them until Sett's features became his, their faces merged and their bodies intertwined, fusioned and they had become one infallible and complete being, so perfect and stupidly clumsy that gods would envy them. Maybe they already did."Commission to write the second last chapter of "And I Shall Love You, Imperfectly And Stupidly" from Aphelios' point of view + an alternate happy ending.
Relationships: Aphelios/Sett (League of Legends)
Series: And I Shall Love You, Imperfectly And Stupidly [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985083
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33





	1. Part I - Envy

**Author's Note:**

> Hello dear people!  
> I was commissioned by one f my readers to add another dimension to the "Timeoop Fanfiction" by writing from Aphelios' pov. :)  
> They also gave me an idea for yet another happy ending.  
> This is part 1 out of 2, the second one will be uploaded soon. You should definitely have read "And I Shall Love You, Imperfectly And Stupidly" to even know what's going on though!  
> I hope you will enjoy reading both as much as I enjoyed writing! :)  
> My Twitter is @chaeyoongsao3 if you are interested in being kept updated about future writing projects and commissions!  
> Much love,  
> Lola

1

Aphelios must have known for quite a while now. That his rather mediocre appetite and the way he lost weight without even trying weren't just stress. It was what had been assumed by the doctors a while before Alune had first been diagnosed. Simply too much stress. She and Aphelios were in their first year of junior high after all. How could it be anything else? Aphelios had been angry at the doctors for not taking his beloved sister seriously. But now that he was faced with the same symptoms himself, he couldn't find it in him to take them seriously either.

He had wanted to ignore the screening appointment, to spend the day curled up next to Sett - it had been a day off for him - in their bed and not even think about the mere possibility of being sick. But he thought that maybe, probably, he owed it to Sett to know for sure.

As he was looking at his boyfriend, he wondered what he would feel like if he found out. Aphelios had been too young to understand the connection between cancer and death, between Alune being sick and Alune dying. To him, only old people died. Kids like Alune and he simply didn't die. As though there was an intangible shield that protected them from any bad in the world. He had lost his belief in that protective shield the day his mother had been crying in the doctor's office and Alune had held her and Aphelios' hand.

She had always loved reading about medicine and hospitals. She had read every comprehensive book that there was and when she hadn't been able to find any new ones, she had started with specialised literature. Aphelios had preferred fairytales. Alune had thought they were childish and so had their parents.

Perhaps because Alune had read books that hadn't been written for girls her age, she had been so mature in her child-like naivety that she had been able to say that it wouldn't be easy but that she would live. She had a purpose after all and people with a purpose didn't die. Why would the world want to go on without her who desired nothing more than saving lives? It wouldn't make any sense.

She had said those words firmly and then hugged their mother. She had let go of Aphelios' hand and he had stared down at it. To him, it had made sense. Why would Alune die?

Sett and he were both old enough to know that one's purpose didn't matter. It didn't matter whether Aphelios would be able to bring joy to children through music, whether they intended on giving each other unconditional love, whether he had only recently started to live a life that was worth preserving. Death didn't work like that. Sett would be aware of that and he would look at him and experience what Aphelios had gone through when he had been a little older and Alune had stopped believing in her survival.

Aphelios' legs strained from sitting there kneeling for what felt like eternities. He frowned as he pushed himself up and off the mattress, careful not to wake Sett. He glimpsed at his chiselled features, the stubbles on his chin, below his parted lips. He was snoring quietly. It was endearing, cute. Aphelios wanted to reach out and touch his cheeks, squeeze and kiss them until Sett's features became his, their faces merged and their bodies intertwined, fusioned and they had become one infallible and complete being, so perfect and stupidly clumsy that gods would envy them. Maybe they already did.

Aphelios had to stand still for a moment until the dizziness had faded and he heard Sett mumbling in his sleep. He stood there and waited until the low noises were replaced by his snoring again. Then he moved towards the closet. He only turned around when he noticed the motion in the mirror.

"Sett?", he called out his name quietly.

His boyfriend returned his gaze immediately and there was something in his eyes he couldn't quite name. Aphelios didn't think he had ever seen an expression similar to that one.

"C'mere", Sett's raspy voice sounded next.

Aphelios tilted his head. Usually, Sett liked to take his sweet time waking up during his free days. But today he was sitting straight with his arms spread, as though he longed for nothing more than to embrace Aphelios. Of course, Aphelios wouldn't deny him that longing. He almost intuitively inched closer, crawled onto the bed and let Sett wrap his arms around him. There, pressed against his chest, Aphelios buried his face in the crook of his neck. The scent of his aftershave had almost fully faded but he knew that he would smell it again when he came back from the appointment. He thought that he would really need it.

Sett's hands on his cheeks were warm and when he looked up he saw his knitted brows and he wondered where all that pain was coming from. Sett had eyed Aphelios similarly when they had visited his hometown and he had told Sett about his guilt. He had looked at him with his brows furrowed in shared pain that came from their shared love and Aphelios had almost been angry. He had never wanted Sett to feel any pain because of him. He had been so careful.

At times, he wondered whether he should have ever let Sett love him. There had always been so much suffering around him, in his past and his present and, yet, he had let Sett in on all of it and he would cause so much more.

All of a sudden, Aphelios reckoned he could feel whatever there was paining Sett and maybe that was why he returned the kiss shaped by morning breath and Sett chuckling softly so eagerly. He nudged his nose with his own and kissed his lips longingly. He felt the stubble against his own chin and his neck. It tickled and Aphelios breathed out a chuckle himself.

Aphelios had known how eager Sett was ever since they had started to see each other more often and their hands had brushed each other's limbs timidly at every chance given. Since Aphelios had started to shiver in his presence and since he had pushed himself against Sett with the same desire. It had never subsided, had only moved into the background during Aphelios' final exam period.

He tilted his head back and lifted his arms when Sett undressed and kissed him all over and he let out all those sounds he knew Sett loved hearing. He was tired but he didn't want to ruin the moment. He wanted Sett to make love to him, wanted to embrace him with all his parts and hold him close. After today, there would be no more denial and he wasn't sure whether their relationship could take the bitter truth that he had wanted to push to the very back of his mind all along.

After today, things would be different.

The doctor told him that it was pancreatic cancer, stage III, just as Aphelios had suspected. Had spread to nearby lymph nodes, no surgical removal possible and so on. Aphelios took in the words faintly as he was sitting there and hoping he'd be allowed to leave soon. If it hadn't been for his manners, he would have got up the moment the man had glanced at him with that expression. That stupid expression of compassion and condolence. The people in the hospital where Alune had been treated had looked at the twins in the same manner and Aphelios had grown to despise it.

He clenched and unclenched his fists on his thighs and watched his palms ache and dent underneath his nails. He dug them into his skin until it felt irritated and then still continued. He thought that when Alune had been diagnosed, it hadn't been that bad. Bad but not she-will-definitely-die-bad. It was a different kind of bad for him. 

Aphelios remembered thinking that the universe and the gods had to envy Sett's and his love and perhaps that was their way of ripping them apart at the seams. Their way of destroying something so inhumanely perfect out of selfishness and the knowledge that they would never experience something quite as ethereal and mind-numbing. Whether it was the redemption of Alune's early death? Aphelios didn't deserve life any more than his sister who could have changed this world after all. Had he been naive enough to believe he did? He wondered who he was to believe he deserved life at all.

Did he deserve to live to make Sett happy? Probably not. Sett had been happy before. Sett had had his momma and the people of the retirement home, his colleagues. He had been happy until Aphelios had entered his life and now he would leave it empty and devastated. He would blow up their shared existence, what they had had, and leave only ashes and dust, broken bricks.

Aphelios should have known the moment Sett had startled him in the hallway that he wasn't any good at doing good. He should have warned Sett. Maybe people should come with warnings plastered on their forehead. 'I will die of cancer four years into our relationship before we could even marry. Beware.'. Sett had been always been so persistent. It might have never stopped him even if he had known.

He tried to decide whether it wasn't Sett's fault then when he had got involved with Aphelios despite knowing about his sister and his past. However, that wouldn't do his unconditional love justice. So next he considered what he wished Alune would have done to not leave him broken and alone and it frightened him when he realized that he had found the most comfort in thinking that it was good that she was dead. That he was no longer hidden behind her, unimportant and _wrong_ with everything he loved and did.

If Sett thought it was good that Aphelios was dead, would it hurt less?

Aphelios pondered and wondered all the way back to their flat. It was early afternoon and Sett would wait at home with lunch by now. There were only his wallet and the paper from the screening with an additional letter of referral to a doctor called Pandora Micheals at their local hospital in his backpack but it felt as though he was carrying rocks. Aphelios had never liked this kind of cheesy metaphors and cheesy similes. He, however, deemed them fitting now.

He found himself in front of the door with his palms sore before he turned around. It was freezing. Winter temperatures had taken over their bright autumn way too soon and he couldn't feel his cheeks. They became numb when he cried. It felt odd to Aphelios that the first time he had heard about cancer, he hadn't believed in death coming to young people and now he was certain that it would come to him, that there wouldn't be a way around or out of it. He was sure if he were to tell Sett, he would beg him to consider treatment. Aphelios had seen what treatment did to a person and whenever he had hugged Alune's bald head, he had prayed that he would never experience it again.

Not telling Sett seemed like a sensible option whereas, at some point, he would notice. Sett was too good of a man not to. He would notice that something was wrong, that Aphelios got weaker bit by bit and someday, he would wake up and Aphelios was dead. He figured he had to disappear from Sett's life. Only then he could die without it affecting his boyfriend, his _love_.

Aphelios remembered with terrifying clarity the first time Alune had talked to him about suicide. She had said that she didn't want to live like that anymore and then asked whether Aphelios would help her. She had looked up ways, had evaluated. Aphelios had looked at her - his beloved sister, all skin and bones, not resembling him in any way any longer - in shock because he hadn't understood. She had been so sure of her survival so what had changed? He hadn't been able to grasp how one could wish for death and how angry it had made him to think Alune would just leave them voluntarily.

As he walked back - It had got dark - Aphelios understood. That was when he decided he would take his own life.

He hadn't planned for Sett to find out. He hadn't planned for his boyfriend to pull him into his embrace and whisper that it would be alright and he hadn't planned to whisper with a tearful voice that he wanted to marry him.

Aphelios didn't understand. How he hadn't been able to tear away from his warm clasp, his gentle words, why Sett would want to marry a man who was doomed to die. Wasn't it Aphelios' responsibility to push Sett away, to assure that his death wouldn't put an end to what they had created but something less devastating? A fight perhaps, an affair, something. Just anything that would make Sett hate him enough to let him go once he had died.

"I will die", he attempted.

"I know. I still wanna marry you", Sett made him fail.

Aphelios' felt his hot breath against his crumpled brows and his chest tightened. Wasn't it selfish of him how he had been so sure that he would relieve Sett of that pain and, yet, he couldn't be without him? Every fibre within his body was screaming. Screaming at him to end it, his life, their relationship. Screaming to stay close to Sett and inhale his aftershave until it no longer differed from their surroundings. Screaming more and more, so loudly that Aphelios wanted to join them. He wanted to cry and hurt himself. He wanted to hurt Sett and he wanted to protect him.

Why couldn't Sett just leave him? Take that responsibility from Aphelios? Why wouldn't he do it now?

"Because I love you, moon."

Moon loved him, too.

2

Aphelios had never truly considered what he would do if he were to be diagnosed with the same illness as his sister. Even when he had noticed the first symptoms that were nothing more than just tiny spurts of being unwell, he had wanted to delay the thinking. Delay the wondering to stay happy with Sett for a little longer.

He didn't agree to the appointment at the hospital because he believed that he would get better but because he needed someone else to say it besides him. That he was dying and maybe that would make Sett leave. Then, Aphelios could die, knowing he hadn't left his Sett, his endearing and clumsily-spoken Sett, behind with only ashes.

However, every word Sett spoke, every glance he shot at Aphelios, seemed to work towards the opposite. As though Sett had made up his mind long before Aphelios had even been ready to acknowledge his condition. As though Sett had known all along, had stripped his clothes and skin and bones off Aphelios so that he could look inside his mind and counteract with deadly, life-bringing precision. Sett didn't want to let him go. Aphelios wished he would never have to so that longing for Sett's relentless embrace wouldn't feel quite as selfish.

Aphelios wasn't strong enough to let go of his hand during the appointment or to tell him that he would never be happy. Simply because Aphelios was happy. He was dying and bared to his bones and organs but he felt a sense of contentment all caused by Sett's warmth and those cheesy words he loved so much. He had got better at expressing them throughout the years and no matter how much Aphelios rolled his eyes he loved them nonetheless.

Aphelios had only ever been on the other side of that pain. He had hated it and he had begged to never be condemned to do it again. He hadn't expected being the sick one to quite hurt this much. He hadn't been able to grasp Alune's pain. Was Sett having trouble grasping Aphelios', too?

When they were back home, Aphelios concluded that he could never love someone intensely enough to go with them through what he had gone through with Alune. Sett, however, did. He worshipped the ground he walked on whereas Aphelios had believed it wouldn't matter once he was officially sick, officially dying and officially a hopeless case. If Aphelios didn't know better, he would think Sett simply didn't care. 

But Sett did. He read old love letters to Aphelios as though it would strengthen their bond - It did - enough to reach past their mortality. He wrapped Aphelios in their blanket and kissed his face as though it was the most precious thing he had ever laid his eyes on. Sett did so much and Aphelios was merely sitting there and accepting all of it because maybe, he could live off Sett's love only.

He was staring at the letters Sett had dug up from a box and he found himself tracing the stickers and Sett's scribbled name, the names of girls and boys Aphelios had never heard about. He touched those remains of Sett's past with caution as though they would otherwise disappear as he would once he had died. Whether Sett was scared of that?

The motion in the corner of Aphelios' eyes made him glimpse up. Sett was looking right back at him, first from above, then from the floor. Aphelios felt his heart thud in fear and love. Sett had made him watch enough romance movies to know what his posture meant and it scared Aphelios in his disbelief. He had thought Sett had only said the thing about marrying him to make him feel better. Apparently, he hadn't.

Aphelios' brows crumpled. He wanted to protest, say that he couldn't possibly be this stubborn that he would marry a dying man. He didn't deserve it. Why couldn't Sett just hate him all by himself? He felt so hot and cold that he shuddered underneath the blanket.

Aphelios wished he had the strength to say no. He wished he had the strength to be everything Sett would hate. He wished Sett wouldn't love him so much and he wished he didn't love Sett so intensely with every single one of his screaming fibres. He had never wanted anything more than to marry Sett, to let go of his old family and start a new one with his Sett. He wanted to hear his clumsy words and feel his bold embrace and his affection and love-making every single day until death did them part.

God, he loved him so much it hurt. Knowing he wouldn't be able to stay with him hurt even more.

He would marry him anyway.

3

At times, he still found himself attempting to push Sett away, futile attempts to cure something that Aphelios had never possessed the skill to cure, to begin with. Each and every attempt was met with perfect endearment that, in its perfection, sometimes made Aphelios angry because there were no more reasons for him to be angry at Sett. So instead, he was angry at himself and the universe and those jealous, selfish gods.

By the time they celebrated Christmas at Sett's mother's place, Aphelios had a hard time recognizing himself in the mirror. Sometimes he would stand in front of it, naked after a shower and examine his pelvic bone nudging against his skin as though it would rip the paleness apart if he moved too much. He would examine his ribcage and his unnaturally coloured eyes, his collarbones sticking out near his shoulders. He usually did it until he was freezing and then he covered his goosebumped skin with Sett's clothes. They were much too big for him by now but they kept him warm best and Sett always glanced at him with such devastating endearment when he wore his clothes.

Aphelios didn't remember a lot from his few hours awake and dreamt more than he consciously perceived. He didn't mind. He preferred sleeping anyway. He supposed that it was part of dying as well as the fever and the inability to keep anything he ate.

As he drifted in and out of restless and feverish sleep after Christmas, he never opened his eyes to loneliness. Sett was always there, brushing his hair, holding it, clasping his beringed hand around spoons of fruit puree and ice cubes. How pathetic Aphelios had become, unable to even eat on his own. He wished it would bother Sett so that he could be happy about Aphelios' death but he never once complained. Not even the slight smile on his lips ever faded even when his eyes flickered in exhaustion and worry.

Sett was too good for him and, yet, Aphelios wished he could stay by his side until they were old and wrinkled to make up for the pain he had caused him.

Aphelios knew he would never have a chance to give him back all of that love and endless support and he knew that Sett did, too. Sett never said it out loud but Aphelios was reminded of himself by his gestures. He had acted similarly when Alune's condition had worsened and he had realized that he had to hurry to make her last weeks the happiest.

Sett had to sense the haste as well.

"How 'bout we marry soon?"

Aphelios felt Sett's breath against his cheek as he nudged his lips and he felt it stutter when he retorted: "Are you scared I might die too soon?"

He hadn't said it out of resentment but mere honesty. He hadn't expected his fiancé to let out a sob. Suddenly Sett's eyes were gone and there was only the warmth and dampness of first unspilled tears against Aphelios' neck. When they did spill, Aphelios moved his arms to hold Sett.

"I want you to be mine."

Sett's voice sounded coarse and Aphelios felt anger. Sett should have never had any reason to cry about Aphelios. Aphelios had never wanted to bring Sett anything but happiness. If that was redemption they lived in a world so twisted that Aphelios wouldn't mind leaving it behind.

"I am already yours. That will never change, Settrigh", he mouthed.

He didn't want to cry although Sett's tremours made his chest tighter and tighter. How could he cry when Sett was so strong for both of them? He had to be strong for him, too. At least for as long as he was still able to. Soon he wouldn't be. Perhaps that was the reason he agreed to Sett's pleading to let him marry him.

4

When Sett's mother took Aphelios for suit shopping, the invitations had already been sent to their friends and Doctor Micheals. Aphelios didn't fully understand why Sett would want her as their matron of honour, considering that she had been the one delivering Sett the closure of Aphelios' inevitable death. However, Aphelios thought he didn't need to understand it to fulfil his fiancé's wishes. If only he was happy, Aphelios would take anyone as their matron of honour.

It was the week after New Year's Eve and it was freezing. Sett had put the fur on Aphelios' hood with the reasoning that it would cover his face and keep it warm. Sett had also dressed him in three layers and a bobble cap and kissed his face until there was no space left uncovered by his love. Aphelios knew that Sett had been having a hard time letting him go these days and even when Sett did leave for some rare shifts or grocery shopping, there was always his mother at home with Aphelios. He didn't mind her company and her affection but it reminded him of Sett's fear he might die if he was left on his own. He couldn't even blame Sett. He would be scared for him, too.

Sett's mother had interlocked their arms and was gently pulling him through the city and when they went through the suits, she made him gentle compliments and smiled brightly for him. She was a good mother, more of a mother to Aphelios than his own had ever been. She baked Aphelios' favourite pie and had raised a man who wished for that pie on his own birthday as well just to make Aphelios happy. He wanted to tell her before he left.

Aphelios could see her boots through the gap below the dressing room door and he could see them shifting when he called out her name. Hurriedly.

"Is everything alright, dear?"

Aphelios stared at the reflection of her legs at the bottom of the mirror.

"Yes", he retorted, "I just wanted to tell you that I am very grateful. I love Settrigh and", he pressed his lips together, "I don't think I would have found a lot of joy in my life without you two."

He muttered those words as he fumbled with the buttons of the white vest. He was glancing down at his shaky hands and he wanted to scream at his body that it wasn't working properly, making it impossible for him to even exist without Sett's and his mother's help.

Sometimes Aphelios thought that it was his own fault. He had seen the signs and he had ignored them. Perhaps, if he hadn't, he wouldn't be ruining their lives now.

"I am sorry, too."

"Why, dear, don't be sorry."

Her voice was genuine and soft. Aphelios gave up on the buttons and clasped his hands, shook his head although Sett's mother couldn't see it.

"Settrigh deserves better."

In the silence that followed, Aphelios could hear how she parted her lips, then stilled. How could she possibly deny that her son deserved better than to have a husband who was dying and would leave him shattered? Those words hadn't been fair of Aphelios.

"I'm sorry", he shook his head again and ran his cold hands over his face, "I just wish I could have given him more."

Aphelios saw the boots coming closer until he heard her palms rest against the wood.

"Don't ever doubt that you have given my boy endless happiness."

Her tone had changed, had become firmer yet more pained.

"He's always been a charmer but he's never been quite as hooked on anyone before", she chuckled softly, "You might feel as though you didn't give him what he deserved but as long as Settrigh's happy, you've done everything right. Now tell me, dear, do you think he is happy? Because I've never seen him happier to love someone."

Aphelios let her wipe away the tears he so shamefully spilled. He let her help him with the buttons and he let her embrace him when she cried softly as well. His mother had never cried with him after Alune's death. He had always done it on his own. Sett's mother smelled nice and crying in her arms made him feel like the child he never got to be. It was as though her warmth and her gentle words were healing him from the inside. Just a tad but enough to return to Sett and admit his tears in front of him as well.

He fell asleep curled up on his lap and when he woke up, Sett was still there, holding him and showing him that he had never once regretted loving him. How could Aphelios regret entering Sett's life when he didn't either?

5

From all the movies they had watched together, Aphelios had had a somewhat clear idea of what a wedding would be like. Despite that idea, nothing could have prepared him for the overwhelming love he felt once he was standing in front of his fiancé and speaking his vows.

Sett's hands were shaking just as badly as Aphelios' and that shared shakiness and Sett's grimaces made him smile and snicker all throughout their ceremony.

He had never seen him clumsier, more eager to do it right and Aphelios adored him for that. He adored him for the manner in which he cleared his throat and spoke about their love. For the words he had chosen, so brazen compared to the careful and insecure words he had used to ask him out back then. A brazenness, however, comparable to the one with which they had first touched and slept with one another.

Aphelios couldn't take his eyes off him and his chest felt tight and warm with not the burden of dying for once but the beauty of living right in this moment with his one true love. Sett was his just like he was Sett's and he knew he always would be.

He watched Sett tuck the paper back into his pocket and he watched his hands reach for his. They were so warm, almost burned Aphelios' skin with the heat they seemed to radiate. When Aphelios blinked, he noticed the burning tingle in the corners of his eyes. It made him frown how close he was to tears.

The way Sett pronounced his name made his heart pulse and his hands shook in the same rhythm of his heart beating when Sett kissed his knuckles.

"I hereby promise that I shall love you, imperfectly and stupidly, for better and for worse, until death do us part."

Aphelios couldn't even help the way the corners of his mouth jerked up into a smile so wide yet shaky that he feared it might falter and turn into a wet, tearful frown. It almost did the moment Sett laid his lips on Aphelios'. Aphelios kissed his husband back, longingly, tasted him and his tears and the sound of his own voice when he whispered Sett's name.

"Say it again", Sett seemed to plead.

His wish was Aphelios' command.

"Settrigh."

6

The days before Aphelios was hospitalized, he hardly stayed awake for longer than an hour that he spent being fed ice cubes and puree. Then he would fall asleep again only to wake up to his heart racing, cold hands reaching for Sett to give him security. He was oddly aware of his own decay, his death approaching and it was scary. Knowing that it would be over soon. They had been married for hardly a month only and he was leaving already. It felt unfair and so agitating that sometimes Aphelios would cry and then slip out of consciousness again, unable to be comforted by his husband.

He hadn't wanted to go to the hospice at first because he had been so scared of being without Sett by his side. But he promised to not leave him before Aphelios did. He kept his word. Sett played Clair De Lune to him on his phone and clasped Aphelios' hands with his own around Alune's necklace. He said that his sister would be proud of how he had found his own way, had found himself, the man Sett loved so madly.

Aphelios could sense his tremours only faintly. It made him want to be strong but all he could do was mewl and whimper in discomfort and silence when Sett shushed and held him. With his Sett on his chest, he would attempt to stroke his hair and babble breathily that he loved him and that he was happy. So so happy that he was Sett's. Things would be okay as long as he was his. Sett was going to be okay. He found himself whispering the same words over and over again whenever he was awake until he couldn't anymore.

Hopefully, Sett could find happiness again.

****  
  



	2. Part II - Redemption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here goes the second chapter of the commission! :)  
> Enjoy thoroughly this alternate happy ending!

When Aphelios opened his eyes to the sun of summer, he remembered his death with frightening clarity. He had sensed his heartbeat slowing, had sensed the warmth of Sett, his husband, on his chest fading, his vision, his consciousness. For a short moment, it all had been gone and, yet, as he stemmed himself up and looked around, he saw their bedroom as it had been shortly after their move.

Aphelios' heart was thudding against his chest and he wondered whether he was dreaming, whether what he had seen had been a dream. No. Those images were by far not obscure enough to be dreams only. So how could he remember things that hadn't happened yet? How could he recall those things and the sensations connected to it if this wasn't a repetition, a grotesque leap in time that had brought him back to a point where Sett and he had been happy and healthy?

He remembered his anger and his frustration that the gods would envy Sett and him enough to kill him, simply to ruin their ethereal love. He remembered his regret to have denied what he had felt for so long that it suddenly hit him. Aphelios had stopped believing in any good in the universe when his sister had died but perhaps, he was given another chance. It sounded ridiculous, crazy. Aphelios had to have lost his mind.

Aphelios got up and wandered around, looked at himself in the mirror, eyed his broad shoulders, the flesh on his bones and the bruises on his neck. He looked like himself unlike he had in his dream. His past, his future? Aphelios couldn't determine what it had been and as he wrapped himself in one of Sett's shirts he also thought it didn't matter.

There was a pie in the fridge. "Congratulations to your own apartment! ♡" was written on a note on top of the foil. It was pear pie and Aphelios recognized the decorations as Sett's mother's. Some boxes hadn't been emptied yet and Aphelios remembered their house warming and how Sett had made love to him all night. He felt sore in a way he hadn't felt in a long time.

Next, he heard steps and quickly turned his head around. It was dizzying. He caught sight of Sett in his naked glory with only a towel wrapped around his lower body stepping out of the bathroom. He felt his brows crumple. Sett looked so effortlessly attractive in an almost unfamiliar, long-gone carelessness. Aphelios wanted to run towards him, to wrap his arms around him and inhale all of his husband - Only that they weren't husbands (yet) and it would appear strange. Sett didn't know of what Aphelios had experienced after all.

Sett's voice sounded raspy and Aphelios melted: "Good morning, mooncake."

Aphelios rolled his eyes but pressed his nose against Sett's neck nonetheless when he approached him. Aphelios frowned and took in his aftershave, his radiating heat and his muscles tensing when he touched his back all over.

"Last night wasn't enough for ya?", Sett teased him lowly and Aphelios tilted his head upwards.

Then he shook it. He hardly remembered seeing his Sett this unburdened. It had been months of watching the crease between his eyebrows become more distinctive, months of seeing him cry and curl up to him. How could Aphelios ever get enough of seeing Sett smirk in that jock-ish, charming way of his and take him as though they were only complete when their limbs were irrevocably intertwined? How could he when he knew that perhaps, in some future or universe, they had been torn apart by death? 

Sett's grin widened and Aphelios felt the floor beneath his feet disappear when he was picked up. He made discontent noises and shoved at Sett's shoulders firmly enough to tease yet softly enough to let Sett know that he didn't mind it.

When he kissed Sett goodbye later on, he shuffled through their apartment and attempted to figure out why he was still alive or rather again. There was just no answer that didn't sound as though he had fallen on his head. But as he stood on the balcony and looked down at the street, the sun hot on his skin, he became aware of an ache. It was similar to the one he had been feeling so often the past few months - at least the ones that he remembered.

Aphelios frowned and felt his stomach and he faintly remembered that the first time he had felt that pain he hadn't been on the balcony but laying in their bed. He had curled up and groaned that he had been woken up by it. He had simply dismissed it as a combination of too much cake and too much passionate sex following it. Whenever the pain had returned, he had told himself the same. He must have known that those weren't common stomachaches. Otherwise, he would have let Sett know about them. He never had.

As he sat there on the floor of the balcony, his eyes squeezed shut at the dizziness accompanying the ache, he wondered whether that was why he was back here. Whether he had denied what was happening to him and that was what had made him die. Aphelios had been angry at himself for a lot of things and his months, almost years of denial had been one of it. Perhaps, despite all Sett's efforts, he hadn't been able to die in peace.

But would acknowledging a possible condition change anything? Would treatment help him now? He remembered the severity and how Doctor Micheals had discounted the treatments available. They would only prolong the inevitable. Was his death still inevitable?

Aphelios knew he couldn't be sure but didn't he owe it to Sett and their love to at least try? Wasn't that what was expected of him by whatever greater force had mercifully given him another chance. Another chance to relieve his regrets and give Sett the life he had always wanted for him. One full of love and affection until the very end.

The day he got the results of the screening he didn't stop by the nearby park but went straight back to Sett. He told him that he had cancer and the words slipped past his lips so quickly that Sett could only still and stare. Stage I, it was curable if he started treatment soon enough and he would do it. Whether Sett would stay with him or not, he would try to live for him, if not at least for his own future. Aphelios had never got to realize all of his plans but he was at a point in time where things could turn out differently. It would be selfish not to try.

Aphelios didn't know why he had been worried about Sett possibly leaving him when he had shown him nothing but utter love the _last time_. Perhaps because he had feared Sett might hate to see Aphelis so affected by the treatment. He knew that he had hated it when Alune had slowly but surely ceased to exist.

But Sett merely stared at him for what felt like an eternity before Aphelios felt himself being pulled against his chest. He frowned there and buried his face in the warmth while listening to Sett's gentle words and cocking his head into his kisses.

"It'll be alright", and, "I'll be here."

As Aphelios was swayed carefully and the embrace never once faltered, he also heard Sett mutter that he was so brave. Aphelios knew why he would say it. He simply hadn't expected Sett to conclude that going through with treatment despite having seen his sister die was a big step. Sett was proud of him. Perhaps, Aphelios was a little proud of himself, too. He would do better this time. He would give Sett what he deserved.

When Aphelios started chemotherapy, they both went on leave from work and university. Aphelios regretted that he couldn't continue his studies and that Sett had only rather seldom shifts - He knew Sett loved the elderlies of that place - but his boyfriend always reassured him that he liked being by his side best, whether he was miserable and sick or flourishing and well. Aphelios slept on the couch most of the times as a result of his nausea that sometimes couldn't even be curbed by the antiemetics Sett usually fetched from the pharmacy.

Aphelios wanted to be upset that Sett did all of the work but he knew that he had to be careful. Alune had once got a cold during her therapy and they had almost lost her. Sett usually wore gloves when he went grocery shopping and didn't dare to touch Aphelios until he had thoroughly washed his hands. Aphelios would then kiss the sore skin with a frown, massage lotion into his skin until it made Aphelios sleepy and he could only babble about how he didn't like Sett being hurt because of him.

"I don't mind. Couldn't live without you, moon", Sett then whispered before Aphelios drifted out of consciousness.

He couldn't live without Settrigh either.

They often spent the afternoons on the balcony. Aphelios usually wore one of Sett's baseball hats to protect his skin from the sun and despite the heat, he seemed to always be freezing. Sett didn't seem to mind wrapping Aphelios in all those blankets. Aphelios never fully understood how Sett could be so hopeful, ignorant to the mere possibility of Aphelios dying. Aphelios wasn't even sure if Sett had ever cried. He at least hadn't seen it and whereas it gave him hope he wondered whether Sett was hiding some of his feelings from him. Perhaps Sett was simply trying to be strong for both of them.

And perhaps this strength and this hope were what kept Aphelios from feeling as miserable as he had before when he had declined treatment, knowing he would die. There was no certainty that he would survive this time either but Sett made him believe that it was the only reasonable outcome of the therapy. Aphelios loved him for it. He kissed him and held his head near his chest, told him he loved him thoroughly and thanked him at every opportunity.

Doctor Micheals, who was his oncologist this time as well, sometimes mentioned that such a positive emotional bond could benefit the treatment. Usually, when people didn't believe in surviving, they didn't. Aphelios, however, wanted to believe in it. Sett deserved that life full of love. He deserved not having to grief, mourn Aphelios' selfish death. He deserved better.

Aphelios hated the treatment. He missed his hair, missed being able to eat without feeling the urge to let it all out again. He missed a lot of things and sometimes he would complain, so easily irritated, and throw his hands. Sett would then clasp and kiss them and reassure Aphelios that he was doing so well and soon, things would be normal again. He had faith in him. Aphelios would still be upset then but he would try to imitate the rhythm of Sett's breathing, lean against him and thank him while daring to cry.

He truly couldn't live without Sett.

It took months, almost a year, until Doctor Micheals informed them that the treatment had officially been successful. There would be several follow-up appointments to discuss his life after treatment and the side effects of the therapy might continue to bother him but they had made it.

Aphelios remembered that Alune had never got to hear those words. She had got better in between but never had the treatment been truly successful. He, however, was granted the privilege of living. He was allowed to stay by Sett's side and offer him what he hadn't been able to give him before. Oh, how scared he had been.

All that fear fell off his shoulders, a weight of thousands and thousands of tons suddenly gone. He wanted to cry. He wasn't exactly sure how he kept the tears in until they had left the office. Sett had been squeezing his hand all along and now that they were outside, Aphelios suddenly found himself in Sett's tight embrace. He returned it eagerly and he was ready to break into tears, when he suddenly sensed the dampness on his own shirt and the tremours of Sett's broad body against his chest and embracing palms.

Aphelios widened his eyes, caressed Sett and his hair. It was him shushing Sett this time, telling him that everything was alright now. They had made it. Aphelios would live and love Sett. At that moment he felt strong, invincible, as though nothing could harm them ever again and it almost made him forget about the pain they had to go through to get there.

They decided to marry within the following year and it was even more mind-numbing than the first wedding Aphelios had experienced with Sett. It was bigger and their honeymoon was as cheesy as the books Sett had started to openly read in front of Aphelios. The intimacy within that action sometimes startled him. He would then inch closer to Sett and just embrace him and kiss his head. Perhaps, the gods hadn't been able to stand the sight of their bond disrupted.

After their vacation, life went on normally. Aphelios completed his major and was accepted at an elementary school while Sett went back to the retirement home. He often brought Aphelios for coffee and cake in the afternoons and Aphelios had made it his mission to learn all of the elderlies' favourite songs.

At some point, Sett asked Aphelios whether he would like to have a baby with him and Aphelios snorted and said that he doubted that was how male bodies worked. But he did. He would love to have a family with Sett.

As they waited for the baby, Aphelios would sometimes voice that he feared the cancer might return, feared their daughter would have to go through what they had despised so much. Whether they should keep it hidden from her?

Sett then would tell him that he should not loathe their hardships as they had brought them impossibly closer. Aphelios should tell her about it so that their little girl would understand that misfortunes didn't equal the end of all good but more the beginning of it. Perhaps that was why they decided on the name "Alba". It was Settrigh's idea to pay tribute to Alune. She had always been their parents' sunshine. Their Alba would be the sunrise that came after the night illuminated by Sett's clumsily spoken love confessions and his wide grins, his endearing mannerisms Aphelios adored so greatly. Aphelios knew she would from the first moment he held her tiny body in his arms.

Sett started an entirely new album with pictures of their little family only and sometimes, Aphelios would take the pictures with him to the Elementary school he worked at to show them the baby. Whenever Aphelios told Sett about the expressions and sounds of endearment the kids made in the evenings when they held Alba, watching her fall asleep with Alune's necklace resting on her tender neck. They would snicker and kiss and Alba would gurgle and everything would be perfect.

With Sett, whom he loved so stupidly and imperfectly, every moment would be.

  
  



End file.
